Static-X - The Cult of Static

Never, in all my years of listening to music, has an album EVER made me hate a band that I love.

I've seen bands evolve and grow, and I've heard albums and songs that made me recoil in horror. Sometimes the proper warning can make even a bad album sound good. Case in point? Megadeth "Risk" is, in and of itself, not a bad album, just not a good album for Megadeth but for a pop-rock band. But sometimes an album will make you annoyed at a band, and the best example is In Flames "Soundtrack to Your Escape".

This time... this time I can honestly say I hate what Static-X has become, and Wayne Static is largely to blame.

While many panned 2003's "Shadow Zone", I wound up falling in love with the album. It was different than anything they had done up to that point, and in the end, it was a very interesting and eclectic mix of metal and dance, and to me was the ultimate "dance-metal" album that Wayne and company wanted to make. 2007's "Cannibal" was promising to me, mixing elements of the dance with a much heavier sound.

This album... Cult of Static is the result of a band that's been around in the mainstream for 12 years and has simply given up. This band has stopped caring. They released one of the best and most promising albums of their careers and instead of rising to the challenge and writing an album that meets the demands that were given, we instead get a shitty collection of half-assed metal songs that, LITERALLY, FOLLOW THE SAME SHITTY BEAT?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!

Instead of creating 12 songs of varying speeds and tempos, mixing their style of industrial metal with everything, they instead got for a 45+ minute long drive of repetitive beats (was this a fucking drum machine?!) that NEVER CHANGES! IT! NEVER! FUCKING! CHANGES! That! More than anything, THAT kills this album!

On top of that, you happy sloppy songwriting, sloppy lyrics (even, or especially, for Static-X, depending on your viewpoint!), and most annoying of all, random guitar solos! Not ONE guitar solo seems to fit anywhere in any of the songs,!

And insult to injury? This has nothing to do with the album in and of itself. NOTHING.

Wayne Static has done every interview since the album with his porn star wife Tera Wray. Look, awesome, you married a porn star, and awesome, you can get in a threesome with another woman with her. That's great. So, in return, you write a shitty album, release it, and claim time-and-time again that its the best thing in the world?! I haven't seen Wayne Static do this many interviews for ANYTHING in my life! And it's ALWAYS with his fucking wife!

Wayne, man, I love ya! You are a hero of mine, and even though I've gotten hell for it, I've been a fan for years. This?! Taking a musical shit, selling it to me on a CD for $15, and then parading around with your pornstar wife and telling me its gold?! THIS?! THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE THE FANS?!

No. This album is an abomination to all things Static-X. Most reviews I've seen have been FAR too kind. "This is just standard-issue Static-X to please the 'Cult of Static'". Well, I'm a Static-X fan, and I still am. This does not please me. It is shit. It is crap. Its one of the worst CD's I've ever heard in my life.

Wayne, stop with the wife for a while and decide if you want to keep the porn star wife or be a rockstar. After that album, I think you need to make a choice.

My rating? Dave Mustaine's solo is lost in "Lunatic" and save one song, this album is just hell. Fuck it. I'd rather listen to mentally retarded dogs fuck. I'd rather hear Stephen Hawking try to explain Quantum Physics using his own voice word-for-word in pain. Hell, I'd even rather listen to Kobra Starship, and they... no, I won't go there.

Fuck this album, and for the time being, fuck you, Wayne Static!

0! 0 out of 10 stars!

If you find this album, burn it with a lighter or toss it into a fireplace! Hell, if you get the chance, try skeet shooting one of them!

SUM 41- Underclass Hero

I would like to state that, first and foremost, yes, I am a fan of Sum 41. I have all of their albums, and whenever I get into the mood, I will blare "Fat Lip" or the entire "Does This Look Infected?" album. I thought I would clear that much first.

SUM 41. For many members of the metal community, it's a band they look down upon as nothing more than a group of annoying Canadians who play punk and disgrace the metal riffs they sometimes play. For others, they are a nice breath of fresh air, a way of looking at the genre of metal we all know and love and smile upon. In 2004, they released Chuck. To many, including myself, the album is a masterpiece and stands as just what the mixture of pop-punk riffs with the mentality of writing heavy songs with a metal tinge can create. It's fast, quirky, and is a damn fine disc! So it's no wonder that I was wondering when the follow-up was going to come out.

Now, I wish it didn't.

After the departure of Dave Brownsound in May 2006, many feared the band would suffer since one of the bands chief song writers and the metal pulse of the band was now gone. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened!

The album begins with the title track, although at first you think, "Wait, isn't this 'Fat Lip'?" Same riff, same song structure, different lyrics, and slightly altered, this is the song that sets the pace for the rest of the album. The rest of the songs borrow heavily from their old catalog of songs, borrowed riffs from Blink-182, and an unfortunate result of this being... A CONCEPT ALBUM!

Despite Deryck, now the only songwriter for the band, saying it isn't, there are underlying concepts that flow throughout the album. In other words, this is their American Idiot. It deals with politics, relationships gone bad, and life in general. Unfortunately, we're left with the worst album of their careers. It seems Deryck took songs he wrote for Avril Laveigne and decided to make some of them his own.

Even though this album overall is bad, there are a few good tracks worth the time. "March of the Dogs" is hard-hitting and fast. Lyrically, the song could be better, the opening line of "Ladies and gentlemen of the underclass/The president of the United States of America is dead". The band was almost deported for it. So, yes, credit where's credits due!

Bottom line? I can't say it's god-awful, and I can't say it's good. It falls into that category of things you want to hate, but it has that thing about it so you can't. I was going to turn it off half-way through, but... damn it, I couldn't! All I can really say is that if you like SUM 41, try to get it as cheap as possible. Otherwise, your not missing much of anything.

1 out of 10

666: The Number One Beast - A Tribute To Iron Maiden

666: The Number One Beast - A Tribute To Iron Maiden

Every once in a great while, some critic will review an album and decide upon themselves that a particular disc is not good, that it has no redeeming quality whatsoever and that the CD only takes up space on a shelf. I always thought it was a sad thing to see. And then I bought this album.

This is, without question, the most unnecessary album I’ve EVER heard!

It’s unmitigated crap! Honestly, what was the POINT in making this album?! You have a singer like Steve Overland who takes every single word and tries to make it into some half-assed opera production, accentuating every word as if it’s life or death. To make matters worst, the guitars are mediocre at best on his tracks, and then solos are pure crap.

Paul Di'anno is the only redeeming factor on Volume 1. He only tackles the material done during his stint with Maiden, and the re-recordings of “Wrathchild” and “Iron Maiden” are incredbile.

But the rest of the 2-Volume set (also sold separately, to double your pain and steal your cash) is pure, unmitigated shit! It plays less as a tribute to Iron Maiden and more as a cheap cash-grab attempt by artists in bands no one gave two-shits about in the 80's (save Paul) and calling it a “Tribute”! It is a simply horrid album! Honestly, it’s... it’s just the worst damn album I’ve heard in my entire life, and I’ve listened to “Soundtrack to Your Escape” by In Flames!

1 out of 10, ONLY because of those 2 tracks by Paul saved it.

Hirax - Not Dead Yet

Hirax - Not Dead Yet

There are 3 types of people who like Hirax: Their friends and family, “metal hipsters”, or people who simply say they like an artist just because no one else does, thus making that band “cool” and those who don’t like it “lame” and have “no taste in metal”.

But the final group are the poor, misguided idiots who, for some reason, like Hirax. These are most likely the same people who went through high school in the 80's always trying to be the “cool, metal kid”. They had the hair, the vest, the look... but they had the shittiest taste in metal! Hirax is the band the symbolizes all of that into one album of sheer, unrelenting shit.

I got this album for 2 reasons. The first was because I heard their name tossed around a lot in metal circles, and the second was because they had an album cover done by Pushead. And I have to say, that cover kicks all sorts of ass! Too bad the music it contains is anything BUT!

The main appeal of this band and album is that it was one of the earliest cross-over albums to exist, taking metal, punk, and hardcore together and making something. I would say “good”, but it isn’t. The best way I can put it is this: Imagine D.R.I.’s insane playing style mixed with the style of Joey-era Anthrax. The idea of putting soaring vocals over a D.R.I. song is enough to give some fans enough joy to live happily.

Essentially, that’s what this album is, but with one major flaw; The vocals are shit! No, no, that’s not it. It’s more like they don’t know how to place the vocals right with the music! Instead of getting what could have been an awesome record, your left with an album that is nothing more than a ball of shit. Imagine a ball of shit. Now imagine a really angry bug stuck in that ball, trying to get out. That’s the amount of an impact and frustration this album is to listen to.

Despite the horrible mess the vocals are, the rest of the band is actually in decent shape. The guitar work, especially on the later part of the disc (the EP) is incredibly well-done. It's just the vocals that destroy the album, and it's a sheer shame. That's the bug, and the vocals are the shit.

By the time they get to the “Hate, Fear and Power” disc, the album is pretty much dead. “The Plague” is the best track out of the entire disc, and the only one worth your time. Keep the cover and throw away the CD.

0.1 out of 10. Pure shit!