Static-X - The Cult of Static

Never, in all my years of listening to music, has an album EVER made me hate a band that I love.

I've seen bands evolve and grow, and I've heard albums and songs that made me recoil in horror. Sometimes the proper warning can make even a bad album sound good. Case in point? Megadeth "Risk" is, in and of itself, not a bad album, just not a good album for Megadeth but for a pop-rock band. But sometimes an album will make you annoyed at a band, and the best example is In Flames "Soundtrack to Your Escape".

This time... this time I can honestly say I hate what Static-X has become, and Wayne Static is largely to blame.

While many panned 2003's "Shadow Zone", I wound up falling in love with the album. It was different than anything they had done up to that point, and in the end, it was a very interesting and eclectic mix of metal and dance, and to me was the ultimate "dance-metal" album that Wayne and company wanted to make. 2007's "Cannibal" was promising to me, mixing elements of the dance with a much heavier sound.

This album... Cult of Static is the result of a band that's been around in the mainstream for 12 years and has simply given up. This band has stopped caring. They released one of the best and most promising albums of their careers and instead of rising to the challenge and writing an album that meets the demands that were given, we instead get a shitty collection of half-assed metal songs that, LITERALLY, FOLLOW THE SAME SHITTY BEAT?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!

Instead of creating 12 songs of varying speeds and tempos, mixing their style of industrial metal with everything, they instead got for a 45+ minute long drive of repetitive beats (was this a fucking drum machine?!) that NEVER CHANGES! IT! NEVER! FUCKING! CHANGES! That! More than anything, THAT kills this album!

On top of that, you happy sloppy songwriting, sloppy lyrics (even, or especially, for Static-X, depending on your viewpoint!), and most annoying of all, random guitar solos! Not ONE guitar solo seems to fit anywhere in any of the songs,!

And insult to injury? This has nothing to do with the album in and of itself. NOTHING.

Wayne Static has done every interview since the album with his porn star wife Tera Wray. Look, awesome, you married a porn star, and awesome, you can get in a threesome with another woman with her. That's great. So, in return, you write a shitty album, release it, and claim time-and-time again that its the best thing in the world?! I haven't seen Wayne Static do this many interviews for ANYTHING in my life! And it's ALWAYS with his fucking wife!

Wayne, man, I love ya! You are a hero of mine, and even though I've gotten hell for it, I've been a fan for years. This?! Taking a musical shit, selling it to me on a CD for $15, and then parading around with your pornstar wife and telling me its gold?! THIS?! THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE THE FANS?!

No. This album is an abomination to all things Static-X. Most reviews I've seen have been FAR too kind. "This is just standard-issue Static-X to please the 'Cult of Static'". Well, I'm a Static-X fan, and I still am. This does not please me. It is shit. It is crap. Its one of the worst CD's I've ever heard in my life.

Wayne, stop with the wife for a while and decide if you want to keep the porn star wife or be a rockstar. After that album, I think you need to make a choice.

My rating? Dave Mustaine's solo is lost in "Lunatic" and save one song, this album is just hell. Fuck it. I'd rather listen to mentally retarded dogs fuck. I'd rather hear Stephen Hawking try to explain Quantum Physics using his own voice word-for-word in pain. Hell, I'd even rather listen to Kobra Starship, and they... no, I won't go there.

Fuck this album, and for the time being, fuck you, Wayne Static!

0! 0 out of 10 stars!

If you find this album, burn it with a lighter or toss it into a fireplace! Hell, if you get the chance, try skeet shooting one of them!

Judas Priest - Nostradamus

Well, let me start by saying that there are a few things that hamper a review for an album: Initial hype, time after the release, and the legacy of the band. When Led Zeppelin's first 2 albums came out, Rolling Stone magazine basically called them uninspired crap. Today, they're on every Top 50 albums lists you ever see. Why? It's not entirely because they were good albums. Instead, the impact, or even perceived impact, is what propelled them to be legendary albums.

That said, I think this album sucks.

I love Judas Priest, and I even got to meet them briefly before the album was released. I was excited about this album after the incredibly disappointing Angel of Retribution after I heard the title track for this disc. The idea was pure Spinal Tap; a 2 Disc set about Nostradamus. It was the craziest idea I had heard in a long time and I was excited to see how they would pull it off.

Well, the result is an overly-bloated album that doesn't work half the time. Half of the album consists of musical interludes that exist to advance the story along, but instead hold it back from being a good album. A fake string section adds to a more hokey feel to the album, and the disc suffers from it.

On the flip side, if it was streamlined to one disc, this would have been a great Priest album.

"Prophecy" "Revelations", "Persecution", "Exiled", and "Nostradamus" are some of the best tracks on this disc, venturing from everywhere in the metal spectrum from traditional metal to sheer thrash.

If, over the 2 years they worked on this, they went the extra mile, the tracks I consider "filler" would have been worth it. Cradle of Filth for it's 2003 album "Damnation and a Day" told the story of creation "From Genesis to Nemesis" over the course of 1 disc and with the accompany of a 40-piece Budapest Film Orchestra and 32-piece Budapest Film Choir. Had Judas Priest gone the extra mile and done something similar, hiring an orchestra and a choir to put the finishing touches on this album, this would have been at least more interesting and, maybe, not as bloated.

In the end, this is something I'll rarely recommend: Go to I-Tunes and just download a few tracks instead.

4.5 Stars out of 10.

Ozzy Ozbourne - Black Rain

When I was thinking about the worst albums of 2007 and the biggest let downs, one album never came to mind, and it was Ozzy's album Black Rain.

That's because it was that damn forgettable.

About 10 years ago, to point out the flaws in Ozzy's musical reach was considered blasphemy in metal. That, despite the fact that we all knew a few facts; First, Ozzy rarely writes his own songs, reducing him to the level of most pop stars. Second, the material written either for him or by him tends to be radio-friendly hard rock than good 'ol fashioned metal. Third, Ozzy has a damn good voice and live show, and that's it.

That's not to say Ozzy sucks and doesn't deserve any credit; quite the contrary, he is an incredible singer who, much like Elton John, is more of a great performer than artist. That isn't to detract from Ozzy, just put him in a better context.

So, now that you can at least see what I mean, let's get to the review then, shall we?

After 5 years, we're left with the latest Ozzy record, Black Rain. Released before Ozzfest tickets went on sale, the album included a free code so you could get your tickets earlier than everyone else and score some better seats. Thus, this album sold incredibly well despite it's lack of being... well, good. Ozzy has been reduced to a mere shell of himself, and even the political and religious points he brings out are only sub-par.

Honest to god, this album just plain sucks. Yet, for some odd reason, I can't sell it. What can I say, I must have a soft spot for bad Ozzy albums.

2 out of 10. Ozzy, get with Lemmy again and write something brilliant.

Edguy - Rocket Ride

Edguy - Rocket Ride

It's tough to be me sometimes. Tower Records is going out of business, and since that day 2 months ago, I've been buying CD's like crazy! Hell, everything's at 30% off with an added 10% for today only, so I got about 20 for $200. Not too shabby.

If there's every a plus side to your favorite record store going under, it's this; You can take a chance and experiment with music you may never otherwise listen to. I know I wouldn't have been able to fully enjoy some artists like Black Label Society without a local store going under a while back.

But for now, we'll focus on Edguy's latest album, Rocket Ride.

It sucks.

I bought it mainly because the album looked cool as hell. Seriously, look at it! It looks like your about to get some insane album of... something! Thash metal, punk... something that will be entertaining at the very least! Instead, as I learned, Edguy is a power metal band. Formed when they were only 14 in 1995, their lead singer sounding very much like a close version of Bruce Dickenson at times.

It's not to say the album doesn't have it's moments. There's a constant feeling of an album bubbling, trying to reach a point where it can take the listener on the very "rocket ride" promised, but it never get's there. Not so much a fustrating listen then it is just a fair-day album, it is well below the level for an album I would really bother every listening to again.

2 Stars out of 5.

Judas Priest - Angel of Retribution

Judas Priest - Angel of Retribution

One of the hardest things in the world for me to do is to write a review for an album that I love. I noticed that when I was trying to write one for both Testament's Practice What You Preach and Punky Bruster's Hooked on Phonics. I love those albums, track for track, and to me it's as obvious as light and day as to why they are worth your time.

Thankfully, that is not even close to the case here.

I remember having the same feeling as glee as I did when In Flames' Soundtrack to Your Escape came out, that I was about to get one of the greatest albums ever. Sadly, the reaction was the same; How the fuck could this band put out this crap?! As you can see, the album cover to this disc is simply killer. I honestly think it kicks ass, and I really enjoy it. So why is it that this album is just pure shit?

"Judas Rising" is exactly what this album should have been; a return to for for Judas Priest, offering up classic Judas Priest riff's as only K.K. Downing can do. And "Deal With the Devil" has some damn good riffage as well, offering up the best highway song they've done in a decade! "Demonizer" has a few decent moments, and that's about the highlight for the last 30 minutes of the album.

But then you get the other 8 songs which make you simply wonder if this was even worth Rob Halford returning to the band. "Revolution" is, beyond the shadow of a doubt, the WORST JUDAS PRIEST SONG EVER! That's a tough thing to do, especially when you consider they wrote "United" and "Red, White, & Blue", both songs that are similar to "Revolution" as wanna-be fist-pumping anthems to get the crowd going, Simply put, god-awful song writing. "Eulogy" is nothing more than a second-rate "Epitaph". "Lochness" has to be one of the saddest attempts at a progressive metal song to ever grace my ears.

There is nothing truly redeeming about this album at all, save the first 2 tracks. In fact, this is the type of album that makes you wonder what people found great about Priest in the first place.

Can we be honest for a second and put away Halfor's cock for a second? (no pun intended) Judas Priest has one of the worst track records in metal history. They released 15 albums, and in reality, only 7 of them are decent. Can you honestly say British Steel and Point of Entry, especially the former, is worthy of being given the credit they have been given? Can you honestly say that all the work between Screaming for Vengeance and Painkiller is worth your time?

For Judas Priest to release an album this bad at this point of their career isn't surprising, especially when you compare it to acts like the Rolling Stones. Actually, they are like the Stones'; They haven't had a damn good records in years. But it's still sad to see since they are capable of doing so much better. They have a new one coming out next year, so more power to them!

With that, this album get's a 1.2 out of 5. This album is just an insult to metal fans who wanted a Judas Priest CD, not some generic metal crap.

In Flames - Soundtrack to Your Escape

In Flames - Soundtrack to Your Escape

No one, yet, has complained that all my reviews to this point have all been "Glowing" or "positive", and that I'm showing my true self; a guy who loves practically everything. Today, I am going to review an album I haven't listened to since the day it came out, but one where I've seen songs performed from it live within th last 2 months.

If there was ever an album worth being called a "sell-out disc", or if you ever wanted proof that America corrupts good talent now instead of making it better, this Americanized-Swedish Metal disc finds In Flames, which was formally the single finest example of Gothenberg Metal, turning more toward the American Mainstream. Gone are the incredibly lush tapestries of guitar work and guitar harmonies, replaced for more simple riffage and more "boring" moments. Anders vocals have gone from a more thrash-death metal tone to sounding like Johnathan Davis of Korn.

I have been an In Flames fan since 2002 when I was talked into buying Clayman. I loved that album, and after getting Whoracle, Colony, and the Jester Race, I truly knew I found an incredible band. But when this album came out, even I had to admit, something was wrong. People defend this album like it was their child, denying that In Flames "sold-out", crying out that Andes "doesn't sound like Johnathan Davis!", and the silliest of all, "They've had this sound since Colony". The last one, only in hindsight, can come close. The trend may have had traces in Colony, and some overtones in Clayman, but the real descent to the then-rampant Nu-Metal movement can be heard on the EP, ReRoute to Remain, as well as the Trigger EP. It was around that time that they did a video with Soilwork and the overall sound of the band was ore mainstream. Even then, even then I was able to enjoy them.

But Soundtrack to Your Escape is a travesty to their careers. It is, without a doubt, the album that almost killed the band in the eyes of longtime fans. The effect can be compared to that of Metallica's "Black Album", Nirvana's In Utero, Slipknot's Volume 3: The Subliminal Verus, but it can't. Why? Because, save Nirvana, they were actually GOOD albums, something that can not be said in this case. In Flames may have gained thousands of fans, but it was at the price of their artistic integrity and the loyalty of countless fans that helped get them there and in a position where they could get there in the first place.

The album plays out like any other mediocre metal release from the point up to 2002, only it was 2004; Simple riffs, down tuned guitars, Johnathan Davis-esq vocals at times while Anders struggles to find his new voice-

In fact, I'm going to stop right there. If Soundtrack is anything, it is the REAL LIFE VERSION OF PUNKY BRUSTER. "The Quiet Place" is their "Recipe for Bait"; They're not metal anymore, just commercial whores. Childish to write, yes, I will admit that, but the album has been defended by the band by declaring that they are sick of writing albums they way they did and wanted to "Grow" as a band. If this is growth, then my all means, I feel sorry for the band.

I would also like to point out that when this album came out,it was praised by countless metal critiques, and that makes absolutely no sense to me. Risk by Megadeth was just as much a "natural progression" from Youthanasia and Cryptic Writings, but Risk is still considered, especially at the time, to be their worst album, something even Dave Mustaine himself admitted. The point? That it doesn't matter if progression is "natural" or not, a shit album is a shit album, and I wish more critiques said it. I sincerly think that most of them were told they had to give the album a great review by their editors, were paid off by the record company, or something, because there is simply no way it could be hailed so high.

Thank god that they released Come Clarity in 2006.

With that, I'm stopping this review. It gets a 2 out of 5. Why even 2, especially since I destroyed it? Because, despite all the horrible shit on there, they at least had "The Quiet Place", the only decent song on there that, if recorded 3 years ago, would have been perfect.