Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Static-X - The Cult of Static

Never, in all my years of listening to music, has an album EVER made me hate a band that I love.

I've seen bands evolve and grow, and I've heard albums and songs that made me recoil in horror. Sometimes the proper warning can make even a bad album sound good. Case in point? Megadeth "Risk" is, in and of itself, not a bad album, just not a good album for Megadeth but for a pop-rock band. But sometimes an album will make you annoyed at a band, and the best example is In Flames "Soundtrack to Your Escape".

This time... this time I can honestly say I hate what Static-X has become, and Wayne Static is largely to blame.

While many panned 2003's "Shadow Zone", I wound up falling in love with the album. It was different than anything they had done up to that point, and in the end, it was a very interesting and eclectic mix of metal and dance, and to me was the ultimate "dance-metal" album that Wayne and company wanted to make. 2007's "Cannibal" was promising to me, mixing elements of the dance with a much heavier sound.

This album... Cult of Static is the result of a band that's been around in the mainstream for 12 years and has simply given up. This band has stopped caring. They released one of the best and most promising albums of their careers and instead of rising to the challenge and writing an album that meets the demands that were given, we instead get a shitty collection of half-assed metal songs that, LITERALLY, FOLLOW THE SAME SHITTY BEAT?!


Instead of creating 12 songs of varying speeds and tempos, mixing their style of industrial metal with everything, they instead got for a 45+ minute long drive of repetitive beats (was this a fucking drum machine?!) that NEVER CHANGES! IT! NEVER! FUCKING! CHANGES! That! More than anything, THAT kills this album!

On top of that, you happy sloppy songwriting, sloppy lyrics (even, or especially, for Static-X, depending on your viewpoint!), and most annoying of all, random guitar solos! Not ONE guitar solo seems to fit anywhere in any of the songs,!

And insult to injury? This has nothing to do with the album in and of itself. NOTHING.

Wayne Static has done every interview since the album with his porn star wife Tera Wray. Look, awesome, you married a porn star, and awesome, you can get in a threesome with another woman with her. That's great. So, in return, you write a shitty album, release it, and claim time-and-time again that its the best thing in the world?! I haven't seen Wayne Static do this many interviews for ANYTHING in my life! And it's ALWAYS with his fucking wife!

Wayne, man, I love ya! You are a hero of mine, and even though I've gotten hell for it, I've been a fan for years. This?! Taking a musical shit, selling it to me on a CD for $15, and then parading around with your pornstar wife and telling me its gold?! THIS?! THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE THE FANS?!

No. This album is an abomination to all things Static-X. Most reviews I've seen have been FAR too kind. "This is just standard-issue Static-X to please the 'Cult of Static'". Well, I'm a Static-X fan, and I still am. This does not please me. It is shit. It is crap. Its one of the worst CD's I've ever heard in my life.

Wayne, stop with the wife for a while and decide if you want to keep the porn star wife or be a rockstar. After that album, I think you need to make a choice.

My rating? Dave Mustaine's solo is lost in "Lunatic" and save one song, this album is just hell. Fuck it. I'd rather listen to mentally retarded dogs fuck. I'd rather hear Stephen Hawking try to explain Quantum Physics using his own voice word-for-word in pain. Hell, I'd even rather listen to Kobra Starship, and they... no, I won't go there.

Fuck this album, and for the time being, fuck you, Wayne Static!

0! 0 out of 10 stars!

If you find this album, burn it with a lighter or toss it into a fireplace! Hell, if you get the chance, try skeet shooting one of them!